


Call Me Crazy, Call Me Yours

by bs13



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy Lewis - Freeform, Darcy and Loki, Darcyland, Fluff, I Blame Tumblr, Loki Odison/Laufeyson because he's got daddy issues, Maybe angst sometimes, tasertricks - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2004975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bs13/pseuds/bs13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy and Loki have never had a regular relationship, but that doesn't mean they're not going to go through the same things every couple does. From letters A to Z, here is a series of related oneshots following their relationship and all its ups and downs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A is for Asinine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Darcy takes Loki to the beach and Loki couldn't be more disgusted.

Dealing with heat has never been Loki's forte.

Coming from the origins that he did, it really wasn't such a surprise. However, even though his origins were known by the woman with him today, that did not mean she ever truly took it into consideration, ignoring the fact in her haste to take Loki someplace her own childish amusement: the beach.

Which, in Loki's opinion, was a very asinine thing of her to do.

Upon the arrival, Loki was immediately disgusted. He still is, in fact, as he helps take down a few objects of no importance from the strange metal contraption that is very behind in its time. From where the metal contraption is, he can see dirt and waves of brown and blue shimmering under the burning waves of ultra radiation that the pathetic mortals call _sunshine_.

"Hey, don't drop anything!"

Loki turns his attention the woman with him now, who is currently taking off her glasses and putting on larger ones that are tinted slightly and look, quite frankly, ridiculous.

"Darcy, why did you bring me here?" he demands.

She ignores his question and instead plucks a single object from his hands: her iPod. Putting strange tubes in her ears and clicking away on her iPod, she then takes out two towels and starts to walk towards the infested-looking waters.

Loki, alarmed by the notion, follows.

"You did not answer my question," he hisses as he catches up, gingerly trying not to let any of the dirt get on his feet, though he finds he is surprised by the way it shifts and sticks so much. Damn those weird shoes Darcy made him wear...

"It's the _beach_ , stupid," says Darcy finally. "You don't need a reason to come."

Loki frowns; he doesn't appreciate the way she calls him such names.

"Well, I despise the place," Loki snarls. "Look at these foolish mortals, all of them half-dressed and lying about on dirt, letting their children run to their polluted deaths. It's really hard to grasp the concept that this place has not been invaded successfully."

"Yeah, well, the last time you tried, you didn't come to the beach," offers Darcy unhelpfully. "Maybe that should be your next try to take over my world, babe! It'd certainly be funny."

Loki's lips curl in indignation. "Do not mock me," he says.

"Hey, I'm not! I'm all for it, really, considering I'd get to be like your evil queen or something. Or I could at least get free stuff out of people who are scared of you. Ooh, and maybe I could finally get back at all the rubbish ex-boyfriends who broke up with me," Darcy says, tucking her arm into Loki's as Loki arranges all objects he carries in one arm.

"I already took care of that one," mutters Loki to himself, but Darcy hears him and grins, squeezing his arm tighter as they continue to walk through the sand.

"Aw, you are such a softie," coos Darcy, and then she pauses. "Well, as much as a softie as a guy who must've scared the shit out of several guys. Hey, did anyone of them pee their pants? I would've paid to see that."

Loki, despite being annoyed at just how asinine Darcy's comments (and thought process) could be, finds that he starts to smile just a little at how strange Darcy Lewis is, and how he finds it most endearing.

"Ooh! Look! Seagulls!" comes Darcy's next asinine comment, for when Loki looks, all he sees are unremarkably stupid white birds who flock about trying to eat anything that seems out of place. "Wow, this place is just so beautiful today."

Loki gives her a look- because can't she _she_ the horrible place around her?- and finds himself being wisked through more of that sticky, suspicious dirt, to a spot just among said dirt, where Darcy throws down an object from Loki's arms: a large blanket. She then proceeds to set up a giant umbrella over it, as well as lay out a few things over it.

"What in the name of Asgard are you doing?" Loki finally asks.

Darcy looks at him as though he's the asinine one, not her. "Setting up our spot," she says. " _Duh_." She then proceeds to hurriedly start to take her top off, which makes Loki's senses snap to attention.

" _Now_ what are you doing?" he says.

"Um, getting out of these clothes?" Darcy offers. "Aw, shit, I'm stuck. Mind helping me?" She turns and angles her body towards him, gesturing stiffly to the way her blouse has been caught on her chest.

Loki stiffens; the heat is sweltering, but now he feels as though his body is on fire. "Why do you need to disrobe in a place such as _this_?" he asks, looking once more at the disgusting scene.

"I have my bathing suit under here, genius," deadpans Darcy, complete with an eye roll. Loki frowns, clearly recognizing her use of sarcasm and once again not appreciating it. "Besides," Darcy adds, "you have to do that, too."

Loki now realizes why the mortals are all half-dressed, and he frowns once more at just how asinine these mortals are; perhaps he _should_ try to take over their world once more, seeing how they are obviosuly unfit with the ruler they have now.

"I will do no such thing," he says coldly.

"Yeah, we'll see," Darcy replies. "Just get this shirt off me now, will you?"

Loki grips the shirt as she desires and yanks it off, mumbling of how foolish this is. Darcy removes the long skirt she had been wearing, and Loki is startled to see she's in what appears to just be her underclothes. Once again, against the heat, he's burning and he does not like the sensation.

"What are you wearing?"

"Er, it's a bikini," Darcy says, suddenly looking self-conscious.

"What does that mean?"

"It's just a bathing suit, alright?" Darcy says. "Now come on, take your shirt off! Did you even bring shorts? I don't think you brought shorts. Good thing I brought you a pair..."

Loki has stopped listening after _take your shirt off_. "I beg your pardon, what?"

Darcy ignores him once more and digs through a bag she's brought, pulling out a horrific red, white, and blue piece of clothing that not only makes Loki horrified, but angry. Darcy seems to pick up on this by the way her cheeks flare.

"Uh, so, they're Steve's," she offers awkwardly.

Loki glares. "I can see that."

"Don't get batshit jealous, okay? He let me take them for you."

"I am not _jealous_ ," spits Loki (though he is). "I simply refuse to ever wear such a thing out where mortals are. He is one of my enemies, and I will never surrender to his influence!"

"Loki, it's a freakin' pair of shorts."

" _His_ shorts. I wil not wear them," he says, standing his ground.

Darcy sighs. "Fine, then, how are you going to get in the water? Wearing all of your clothes? Because while I've done that once, I promise you won't enjoy yourself very much that way."

"Get in _what_ water? All I see is filth!" exclaims Loki. That has to be the most asinine thing she's said all day; that, and the fact she insists he won't enjoy himself very much, seeing how he might as well be in Hel right now and enjoying himself was never going to be an option.

"Dude, you've seriously killed people. I think that water is the least of your troubles."

Loki frowns. "I will not succumb to your asinine ideas," he informs her matter-of-factly. "And, for that matter, I will be removing no articles of my clothing. It is bad enough you have made me come as I am." He gestures, then, to the T-shirt and jeans he is wearing, along with the devilish sandals.

Darcy crosses her arms. "Loki. I told you we were going to have fun today, remember? And how are you going to do that when you're just standing here, pouting like a big baby?"

"I am _not_ -"

"Loki," she cuts him off now. "Shirt off. Now."

"I will not-"

" _Loki_." Darcy gives him her most annoyed face (though Loki cannot take her seriously in those oversized glasses), and keeps her arms crossed. "You asked me to be your girlfriend, remember?"

"I believe I blackmailed you, but yes, I suppose I did."

"Whatever. And you promised me you'd do couple-y stuff with me, just like Jane and Thor do, remember?" Darcy prompts, making Loki frown at the mention of his brother and the mortal scientist.

"Perhaps."

"Then take off your shirt, because I have my taser with me and I will not hesitate to bring you down and take it off myself," Darcy says seriously, though Loki sees a twinkle in her eye that he suspects she has picked up from spending so much time with him.

The idea brings a ghost of a smile to Loki's lips. "You're threatening me?" he says, laughing just the slightest as he saunters closer to his mortal girlfriend, delight twinkling in his green eyes. "Well, darling, I'm certainly surprised."

"Whatever. Are you going to or not?" Darcy asks.

"Alright, if it means so much to you, I will shed my shirt," Loki says begrudgingly, and then he adds, "But I will _never_ wear that abomination." This he says while gesturing to Steve's patriotic shorts, which admittedly makes Darcy grin.

"Well, Steve's hot," Darcy says- and Loki gives her a horrified look- but then she adds, "But I think you wearing his shorts are a little to much for me; I like my men tall, pale, and with a hatred for America, not buff and blond with a little too much patriotic spirit."

Once again, Loki finds she's made another asinine comment- _I might have to start keeping count_ , he thinks to himself- but he doesn't tell her so, and instead he settles to removing his shirt as she had requested, though inwardly cursing mortal customs.

"Are you satisfied?" he grumbles once he's done.

"Oh, _very_ ," says a grinning Darcy, and he frowns (and also flushes) as she removes her giant glasses and lets her eyes rake his body; she's always been too fond of admiring the form of men, and it's another thing he finds asinine.

"Now, what else?" asks Loki, directing her eyes away from his chest, and not daring to sneak a glance at _her_ chest, because he doesn't want her to feel as though she is in control of him and can easily bewitch him in such manner (though the latter is probably true).

"We go swim," Darcy says like it's obvious. "Come on, let's go."

"In the filth?"

Darcy sighs. "Yes, Loki, in the filth. And also, are you going to keep your jeans on? It'd probably be better if, y'know, you went in your underwear or something..."

Loki frowns, because he knows the game she's playing, and she is _not_ going to get him to succumb any further. "No," he says. "I will wear these into the filth."

"Damn, I was totally hoping you would," says Darcy, and her grin is so wide Loki finds it hard to resist her (and her revealing outfit). "But, whatever, let's just get in. Race you!"

She then takes off in a run, leaving a confused Loki in her wake.

"Raise me where?" he calls after her, and he can hear her laugh echo from where he stands. Carefully, he gingerly removes the strange shoes from his feet and starts to go after her, finding the shifting dirt just as hard to maneuver with bare feet, and a lot more painful; the heat has warmed the sand to the point that it feels as though his skin is burning.

Darcy waves him over to where she is. Unfortunately, the place is currently ankle-deep in the filth that she says is water. She appears quite happy for a reason Loki does not share- he suspects it another asinine one- but he does not dwell on that, either, and rather muddles through the filth to join her against his better judgment.

She expresses contempt at seeing him there, and she happily takes his hand and intertwines her fingers with his, looking out over the filth she still must call water and the way it comes as giant waves of brown-and-blue muck towards them.

"Thank you for coming," she says softly.

Loki doesn't answer; rather, he looks down at her face, and she looks up at him, smiling in a gentle way that he's only known Darcy to be in special moments. He refrains from smiling back, but he does smirk and say, "I did promise we would have our moments, did I not?"

"Okay, so you did," says Darcy slowly. "But, I'm afraid that while this is a moment for us, there's one thing we need to do." Her eyes gleam with the one thing Loki has always known to see: mischief.

"And that would be?" he prompts.

"A water fight!"

And that is how Loki is then sprayed with a handful of water Darcy has scooped with her hands, the cold water trickling down his face and down his chest. Surprisingly, Loki finds the cold welcoming, despite the fact he is now dirtied with the filth of these mortals.

"It appears you've said the word fight," he says calmly. "Well, Darcy, you know I can never resist a challenge." Darcy grins at his words and begins to run, causing him to rush after her, all while resisting the urge to use magic before the eyes of prying mortals.

Loki still doesn't like heat.

But dragging Darcy down despite her shrieks of how "freakin' cold" the water is, he doesn't feel the heat at all; instead, all he feels is cold and his own inner heat, which is a fire that burns for the asinine woman who has made him question himself as he willingly complies with her asinine ideas.

Loki still does not appreciate how asinine Darcy may be.

But as her lips meet his, hers more wet and his more dry, his more cold despite her being more wet, he finds that spending a day with Darcy Lewis, no matter now asinine, is one he will always enjoy.


	2. B is for Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki gets scared and Darcy is done with his shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Baby (noun): a very young child, especially one newly or recently born._
> 
>  
> 
> Big thanks to Empress_of_Plotbunnies for commenting!
> 
> (I finally found out how to italicize; this is a victory for me).
> 
> Anyway...I don't own Thor.

"LOKI, YOU BETTER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Darcy, fuming, continues to walk about the room in silent anger, moving the baby in her arms in a (hopefully) calming manner. However, her yell at Loki only ruined the calm as the baby (who had been fussing) begins to full-out _wail_.

"Come _on_ , kid, I'm trying," groans Darcy, but for the kid of an usually collected woman and a sweet but sort of oblivious God, the child shows no sympathy and keeps screaming his head off. "Please, please, stop crying? I promise I'll get you a bottle or something, but- LOKI! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE ALREADY! I SWEAR, I WILL GET OUT MY TASER!"

A reluctant shuffle of feet sounds, and Darcy realizes that Loki is now barely coming into the room, albeit a lot more more slowly and unsurely than his usual confident, prideful stride.

"Is he calmed?" comes the tentative question.

Darcy blows sweaty strands of hair out of her face, rolling her eyes at how the guy can be a God and still ask such a stupid question. "What do you think?" she grumbles over the baby's relentless wails.

Loki finally enters the living room, looking less confident than usual.

"About time," Darcy huffs, and when Loki slowly walks over to her, she shoves the crying chid into her boyfriend's arms. "Here, take _your_ nephew. And I'm emphasizing the _your_ because Thor asked _you_ to put yourself through hell watching his kid, not me!"

Loki begrudgingly arranges the child in his arms, looking at the ever-crying baby in silent wonder. With a slow hand, he reaches out and strokes the baby's soft hair, and then the skin of his cheek, never once tearing his eyes away from the child.

"He is rather small," says Loki stiffly.

"Gee, I never would've noticed, thanks," Darcy says, letting the sarcasm drip from her words. "Now try to calm him down, would you? I think he's hungry, so I'm going to go make him a bottle."

Loki's eyes quickly tear away from the baby. "You are going to leave me?"

"Uh-huh. Now doesn't that sound familiar?" Darcy says, rolling her eyes.

"But, you cannot. How can I calm this creature?"

"Fucking hell, Loki, it's a _baby_. Don't they have these on Asgard?"

"I never have had to calm one before," Loki says, looking down at the crying baby and then at Darcy. "What if...I am not able to succeed with this task?"

"You'll be _fine_ ," says Darcy exasperatedly. "Geez, and you were the one raised by royalty. I'll be right in the kitchen, okay? Just don't kill the kid, and we'll be golden."

"K-kill?"

Darcy ignores his stammered worry and heads into the kitchen, silently cursing herself for agreeing to help Loki, silently cursing Thor for having a date night with Jane, silently cursing Jane for ever giving birth and _keeping_ the crying terror in the living room.

"Hey, Loki, does the baby like warmed milk?" calls Darcy as she finishes mixing the formula and whatnot that the baby needs, attaching its top with finality and then eyeing the microwave.

"I...do not know," is Loki's unhelpful reply.

Darcy rolls her eyes. Cold milk it is.

"Whatever. Just sit down with him on the couch," she says, entering the room again.

Loki looks at her in almost...panic. "You want me to feed him?"

"Uh, yeah?" Darcy says, and she holds out the bottle.

"I do not know if I should." That's all Loki offers.

Darcy sighs. "Fine, give me the little guy," she says, and she sets down the bottle, taking the tearful baby carefully and smiling at his teary eyes. "Aw, don't cry, kid. We've got your bottle! Loki, give me his bottle."

Loki obeys her wordlessly.

Darcy sticks the bottle into the baby's mouth and is awarded with sweet, silent bliss. Sighing to herself, she looks down at the tear-streaked face of the baby boy and finds that when he's not crying, he's a whole lot cuter.

"He is calmed now," notes Loki slowly.

"Uh-huh."

"So you have expertise in these matters?" asks Loki.

"Nah, but babies are like that, y'know? One minute they're crying over nothing and the next they're just sitting there happily or sleeping. Mostly the second one. But hey, he's the son of the God of Thunder; he probably cries a lot more than usual," Darcy jokes.

Loki doesn't even crack a smile at that one. Or take the opportunity to make a comment about Thor. Which is something he _never_ does. (The second one, not the first. He already doesn't laugh at many of Darcy's jokes. Or any of them, really).

Instead, he gingerly sits down next to Darcy and peers over her shoulder at the baby, who sucks the bottle with a rigorous vigor and watches Darcy with wide blue eyes.

Darcy doesn't look over at Loki, but she can feel that something is bugging him; he's brooding a lot more than usual, and not to mention, he's not nearly as confident as he usually is.

"And are you fond of children?" asks Loki quietly.

Darcy thinks about it. Is she? She's an only child, but she knows how to deal with babies, having done her fair share of babysitting in her teenage years. But actually _liking_ kids is another story, because in high school all she would see them as were money. Now, looking at something Thor and Jane created, it's something else.

"I dunno," Darcy says carefully. "Never thought about it."

Loki is quiet for too long before he asks, "Would you ever have children?"

Darcy has to think about that. Had he asked her a question like that a year ago, she would've laughed at that and shot the idea away with a sarcastic and witty comment on her part before he'd even get the question out. But looking at this kid, so calm and sweet (well, _now_ ), she doesn't know what to think anymore.

"Maybe," she says, finally. "What about you?"

"I believe I lack certain parts that would allow that."

"No, dummy, would you _want_ to have a kid? You know, considering you wouldn't be the one to give birth to it," Darcy adds hastily, and she allows herself to shift slightly to look at him, yet making sure the baby is safely secured in her arms.

His face betrays many conflicting emotions, which Darcy has hardly known Loki to allow; he's too proud to appear weak, and he always portrays himself the ever-confident one who can mask his emotions easily.

"Perhaps," answers Loki softly.

Darcy almost doesn't want to look at him. Delicate situations should be treated delicately and all that, but fuck that; she's Darcy Lewis, and she's never avoided any sort of delicate situations. Often much to Jane's chagrin, but still.

Darcy looks at him.

"Well, this is awkward," says Darcy finally when she sees the way he's almost, well, _avoiding_ her eyes. Loki has never done that, either; he believes looking someone in the eye delivers a message about his character (and by character he means he needs to let everyone know he's in charge).

"I believe it is, yes," Loki mutters.

Darcy leans over to look at him. "Wanna tell me what's bothering you?"

Loki finally meets her eyes. "Nothing is upsetting me."

"Yup, that's why I said _bothering_. Now c'mon, spill."

Loki sighs, but when he looks at Darcy, she sees him smile. Finally, he shakes his head and says in mock wonder, "You are often too interrogative for your own good, Darcy Lewis."

"One of the things you love about me," replies Darcy smugly. "So talk."

"I believe, in the way we both said we might want children someday, we crossed a line," admits Loki. "One that should not have been crossed. You know already that I am Jötun-"

"Yeah, you turn all freaky and blue."

"...Right. Well, in the line we crossed, I believe we adumbrated the idea of having children _together_." Loki pauses, and he meets Darcy's eye and then looks at his nephew in her arms before he continues, "You should know that the chance of that happening is slim."

Darcy, being herself, has to throw herself into the fire.

"Why?" she asks. "Not that I've been, er, planning this or anything, but-"

"Your body is not suited for carrying a Jötun child," interrupts Loki. "You most likely would not be able to carry the child full term, and chances are, the child would kill you."

So Darcy ponders that. Of course she hadn't exactly set the idea of having a kid with Loki in stone (they've been together for, what, three years?), but to be honest, she'd thought about it. And would've liked it. Or at least had the option.

"Do say something," pleads Loki quietly. "I must know what you are thinking."

Darcy slowly draws the baby tighter in her arms and removes the bottle; the child has finished. Gently shifting the baby to her shoulder, she stands up to burp him. The child gurgles something, and Darcy smiles at him.

"Do you think he's sleepy?" Darcy asks Loki.

Loki is caught off guard. "I...would not know."

"Listen to your uncle," Darcy hums to the child, lifting him up and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Unhelpful as ever. But we love him anyway, don't we?" She looks at Loki. "With or without children."

Loki processes her words for a while, but he slowly stands up. Watching Darcy and his nephew silently for a few seconds, he finally smiles faintly. Walking up to the two of them, he gently tugs Darcy into his arms.

"You are strange, Darcy," says Loki softly.

"One of the things you love about me," Darcy says cheekily.

"Yes, one of the many," Loki agrees, and he reaches for her face, his thumb gently stroking the skin of her cheek as he meets her eyes. Darcy smiles at him in return. "Any other woman would have been upset. Why is it that you are not?"

Darcy groans at this. "Dude, we established I'm not normal," she reminds him. "So I'm not going to be 'any other woman'. Kids aren't a deal breaker for me. I just want _you_ in my life, stupid!"

"And I only desire you as well," Loki replies warmly.

Darcy's stomach pricks with anticipation at her next words (that she almost doesn't want to say), but does anyway. "Uh, so, kids aren't a deal breaker for you either?" she asks tentatively.

"No," Loki answers. "I would have liked some someday, but any future children with anyone other than you would not be desirable. You bring out the best in me, Darcy Lewis, and I would not change that for the world."

"You sure? Because you did try to take over the world once."

Loki can't help but to smile. "You are unimaginable."

"Can't argue with that one." Darcy grins back, just as the baby in her arms suddenly begins to fuss. "Oh! He must be sleepy. Want to rock him?" She offers the baby to her boyfriend, and Loki looks like he wants to say no, but he finally gives in and takes the child wordlessly.

Darcy smirks at the sight. Loki, looking worried, cradles the baby gently in his arms, all while making little movement, probably fearing any sudden movements as the baby continues to fuss.

"He looks like my brother," Loki says softly.

"Yup, that's how genetics work and all," Darcy notes, but Loki either doesn't hear or doesn't care to respond to the comment. Instead, he keeps his eyes on the baby in his arms.

"He is beautiful," Loki says softly. "I wish..." he trails off.

"Wish you could have one, huh?"

"I believe we established I do not have the appropriate parts."

"Ass," Darcy says, pretending to be offended, and she would shove him if he didn't have a baby in his arms right now. "But hey, if you really want a baby that bad, we can always take this one."

Loki chuckles at that. "I believe Jane would kill you if we did."

"Eh, you've got a point. Either that or dock my pay. The second one would be worse, though," Darcy says, and she peers over at the baby in Loki's arms and sees him asleep. "Aw, he's so cute when he's sleeping."

"He is the face of tranquility," Loki agrees.

"And to think he's the spawn of a hotheaded God and a confused woman," Darcy notes lovingly (and ignores Loki's pointed stare, knowing she's ruined the moment).

"So shall I set him in our bed?" Loki asks.

"Yeah." Darcy leans over and kisses the baby's forehead. "Night, kid. You're really cute, even though I know you're going to be waking me up all night long."

"Pardon?" Loki says, being hopeless with children.

"Or better yet, wake up your uncle," Darcy decides, and she stands on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Loki's cheek. "Thanks in advance, babe."

"For what, exactly?"

"You're in for a sleepless night. And not the good kind, either," Darcy says.

"What does _that_ entail?"

"Well, he just ate and is going to sleep, so...how good are you with diapers?"

"W-what?"

"It's late, so I'm just going to crash on the couch. Call me if you need anything, 'kay?"

"B-but you cannot leave me to-"

"Love you! Byeeee!"

"B-but _Darcy_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is weird because I have this story on Fanfiction.net and it's a more interactive story there, where my readers send in suggestions for words and I choose one from there. I feel like I'm just posting the strange leftovers here; I feel bad about that.
> 
> So if you guys want to send in words for the letter C, I'll see what I can do. ;)


End file.
